my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
