Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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