In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
