You did not just play the dead husband card again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
