forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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