I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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