Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
