you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
