He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
