based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
