How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
