I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
