Can i not drive my cunt home
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
