Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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