The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
