question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
