I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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