Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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