At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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