You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
