don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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