just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
