I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
