I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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