soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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