Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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