remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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