Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
