the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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