Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
