smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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