apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
