At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
