Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
