Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
