If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
