been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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