3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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