I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
