I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
