apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
