Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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