so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
