goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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