we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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