he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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