May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
