Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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