i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
