he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
