something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
