Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
