You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
