everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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