I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
